Into Thy Word - False Ideas of Love
Session XIV
Read Romans 8, then continue at your groups own pace to finish this section. Start to pray about how what we talked about can make you a changed person, so you can apply these precepts to all of your relationships!
When we accept these love myths as fact, and these pursuits as what we should undertake, we will be heading down dangerous paths in the maze, where we will only find loneliness and hurt. Such myths will block the path of quality relationships that last, especially when it comes to love and dating. They will lead you so far off the godly path that you find yourself falling off the cliffs of life and into the realm of despair and discontent. Your relationships will fall far short from what you could have had. When we have these ideas about love, from troubled sources, as a template on how we evaluate others or select a mate, we will be in as much trouble as the singers and actors who have made these statements.
These false ideas of love will also cause a fairytale mindset rather than a Biblical one, or reality-based thinking. We will think we are in love when we are actually filled with the wrong idea of love, coupled with lust, and desire. Therefore, we believe these statements are possible, feasible, and real. Actually, they will cause us to make grave mistakes, and mislead not only us, but, also, all those around us!
Still not sure? Just watch the biographies of singers, actors, and other famous people on the cable TV biography shows, or read People magazine! Many of those who have proclaimed such statements have not found it to be working out, and most have led very disappointing, and meaningless lives. With all of their wealth and fame, they have more divorces, dysfunctional relationships, and hurt than most of us regular folks. Because they jumped from one marriage to another, one relationship to another, they have never found the contentment or happiness they thought they could have from their philosophy. Rather, they have found turmoil, discontent, and hopelessness, instead. (This is from their statements—not mine!)
Wrong ideas of friendship, dating, and love will have grave consequences that can last for generations, as it affects us, the other person, and, in marriage, any children, both families, the extended families, friends, the church, and, of course, our Lord! Your choice is not just your choice, because, it does not just affect you. Therefore, be careful that you always strive to conduct yourself in the parameters of real, authentic love. In dating, choose wisely; in marriage and friendships, operate in those Godly characters, and be based on Scripture rather than on false ideas and lust!
Yes, our God is a great God of grace, and forgiveness. He will eventually work things out in your life for good (Romans 8)! But, why place yourself in strife, when you can have it so much better when you start early?
Your objective is not just to seek fulfillment or desire, but, to build relationships that last, that are impacting and real. In dating, your commission is to choose a mate with whom you can live, both with unbroken devotion to the Lord. In marriage, our task is to help facilitate His Fullness in both our life, and that of our spouse. From friendships and family to the office, our role is to be seeking Him, growing in Him, trusting in Him, and obeying Him, so our maturity and character are rooted in Him. In this way, fullness, character, and real love are working in His Kingdom, taking us on the way to good, healthy relationships, filled with love, and able to grow. This fullness will be the catalyst to enable us to go through the hard times as well as the fun times. This brings the fullness (we talked about in the first chapter), that will make your house reflect God, serve for His glory, and be an example to those around you (Joshua 24:14 –15).
Discussion Questions:
1. What are some of the precepts you can decipher from Romans 8, that apply to relationships? Consider every verse as significant!
2. We can see how wrong ideas of love and life will drastically affect your relationships. So, what can you do to have a correct, Biblical view, so your life is centered upon Christ, and not false ideas?
3. What can you start to apply, from Romans 8, to improve your love and relational life?
A question I am asked a lot in singles groups is, “What about attractiveness?” Well, if you are courting, following the Biblical principles (which we will talk about later), and are not attracted to each other (which, from over twenty years of experience, I have only seen this once or twice out of hundreds of couples), that is a sure sign that something is wrong. This idea of who we consider attractive also affects who we choose as friends, and how we relate to our co-workers. How we perceive people is significant, and if we base it on shallow things, we end up having shallow relationships!
1 Corinthians 7:32-35, gives us a picture of the magnitude and value of relationships, with love in action, both in marriage and in preparing for marriage. We need to see life as an adventure, with no time to waste (Romans 13:11-12). The central focus, paying close attention to verse 35, is not being distracted from things that are false and misleading to us; rather, we are to focus on Christ, and allow Him to provide us the motivation for godly living. His precepts must reign in us so our attention is on the right track. If not, those myths and cares of the world—including the myths of love—will overtake us, and bring us down into the world of bad decisions, that lead to bad relationships, that produce bad living.
What do I do? Learn about real love, as we previously discussed. Understand that Christianity is about growth. It starts with profession and conversion, and keeps building into maturity. The process of Sanctification comes into play, here. We need to ask ourselves, am I willing to reduce myself down to merely "ME,” as, who I am in Christ? Are you determined enough to strip yourself of all that you are in the world, in your career, ministry, and church, including what your friends think of you, and what you think of yourself? Are you willing and determined to hand over your true self, your simple, naked self, to God? Once you are, then He can begin to do greater work in you, and, in others through you. Christ will immediately sanctify you completely, and your life will be free of distractions from His character and precepts. You can be determined and persistent toward glorifying God, and Christ as our Lord (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24)!
You can start by surrendering to Him in prayer (Galatians 2:20-21; Philippians 1:6; 3:10), Lord, show me what sanctification means for help me live as my life is yours. He will show you! Sanctification means being made one with Jesus. Sanctification is not something Jesus puts in you; it is He, Himself, in us (2 Corinthians 1:39). The understanding of Sanctification will allow you to be discerning of yourself, and realize that no mere person can fulfill you! No ideal guy, or gal, no job, no power, no amount of money, or anything else outside of Christ will make you complete, or fill a hole that only He can! No friend can take the place of God.
To completely change the black, dirty oil of our mind with the new, golden anointing oil of His love, we have to surrender ourselves to Christ. As a Christian, the Spirit transforms us completely, all that we are, all that we do, our will, our plans, and our opportunities (2 Corinthians 3:18). However, we cannot do this unless we give our selfish will over to His (Galatians 2:20-21)! The incentive for us to surrender to Christ is, that His way is better than ours! This will directly translate into who you are, and how you are in relationships. This means there can be no perfect person; you can only seek who is best for you and be willing to work on that relationship, and, on yourself.
Remember, most of the ideas people have about love are artificial and insincere. We must be prepared to recognize the real fruit over the artificial one. If not, when we think we have found love, we will only have lust and insincerity. These artificial fruits will turn into hate and indifference. When this happens, we will not be even close to expressing any kind of love, in any form. Do not let this happen to you. Do not let yourself, or the ones you love bite into the wax of fake fruit. Do not allow yourself to succumb to the myths of love that only produce false expectations, and lead into the dark, forbearing maze path of despair! Songs and movies are nice entertainment; but, they are not the reality of life. Remember, relationships are a choice. It is your choice to succeed or fail. Are you willing to succeed, knowing that so many countless millions of friendships end, and marriages fail? Being willing, and able to work to understand yourself, love, and God’s precepts will motivate you, and provide commitment to build your house of love. Being willing to make the other person feel they are a priority, special, will make that house content, too.
1. Apply what you have learned so far; how are good relationships built?
2. How do you perceive people? Why is this important to how you go about seeking relationships? Consider any criteria you use, and see if it matches up with Biblical principles.
3. Read Romans 13:11-12. How, and what does this passage teach us about relationships? What can you learn and apply?
4. How does Sanctification affect your relationships?
5. Has the incentive to surrender to Christ hit you yet? Do you fully realize that His way is better than yours? If not, what is in the way? What are you going to do to remove it?
6. Why is the willingness to make the other person feel he/she is important, and a priority, a significant factor with relationships? Consider how you feel when others take the time to make you feel special!
7. After undertaking this study into God’s Word, and how He views relationships, are you willing and able to work in order to understand yourself, love, and God’s precepts?
8. What will motivate you to proceed, and continue to make fullness, and His Kingdom, your priority?
How much time has your group, and you, individually, prayed? Without significant prayer that goes beyond a quick five minutes afterward, you may not be able to apply God’s style of love, as prayer is the key to unlock His door! Make sure you spend considerable surrendered time in prayer, seeking His face, so you can be a changed person, and so you can apply these precepts to all of your relationships!
If you are willing to live out the art of loving, then, you will keep your relationships alive!
Remember we do not deserve His love and grace, yet it is given to us anyway.
Richard Joseph Krejcir © 2002 Into Thy Word Ministries www.intothyword.org
